I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
