I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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