if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
smell my finger.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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