I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
