Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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