I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
