She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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