Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
