I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
