five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
