And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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