Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
