i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
