i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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