do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
