if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
