a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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