We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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