he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
