Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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