I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
