One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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