You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize