Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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