2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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