Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
