Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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