he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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