i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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