she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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