I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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