The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
