We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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