Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
