Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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