Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
