Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
