i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
