i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
