I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
