Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
