I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
