you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
