Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
