No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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