I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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