You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
