i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
