If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
