It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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