You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
