I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
