I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
