Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I still have a little drunk in my system
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
